Toddler independence – separation
At around the age
of six months, your baby will began to realise that you and he are separate entities. As he grows into toddlerhood, he develops a strong drive for independence, but still needs your unconditional love and support. At any point when you’re not there, he can feel that you’ve abandoned him. Separation anxiety tends to come and go throughout the toddler years, but most experts agree that the period of extreme neediness usually passes sometime between 18 months and two and a half years. Most toddlers will be fully out of this stage by the age of three.
First and foremost, it’s vital to remember that this is a normal stage of development and is not a toddler behaviour problem, even though a tantrum is often involved when you say ‘bye-bye’. Try to look at it from your toddler's perspective - every time you leave, whether it's to go to work for the day or to the local shop for just a few minutes, your toddler is probably thinking: ‘Where is mummy? When is she coming back? Is she coming back?’
So, how do you cope with toddler separation anxiety?
Waving goodbye when you leave is a simple tactic but, unfortunately, it’s one that many parents forget about. Instead, fearing the wrath of your toddler, you try to sneak out of the house while he's otherwise engaged. Big mistake. This approach may save you the pain of watching your child cry, but it can actually make his separation anxiety more severe. If your child thinks you might disappear at any given moment without notice, he's not going to let you out of his sight.
Separation anxiety isn't just a toddler thing – as a parent you may also be dreading the prospect as well, but, if you let your apprehension show, your child's almost certain to pick up on it. Besides, a dramatic farewell will just validate your child's feelings of insecurity, so try to stay calm and positive, even if he's hysterical. Keep the situation light by using those old chestnuts such as ‘See you later, alligator’. Getting your child into the habit of replying with a chirpy ‘After a while, crocodile’ will also help serve as a distraction.
When you do have to go out, leave your toddler with a reminder of mum and dad. It can be anything – a photograph or an old sweater of yours. Having said that, the item may also have the opposite effect in that it serves as a constant reminder of you, so check with your childminder or babysitter to see how your child reacted to it.
In the midst of all the guilt, remember that toddlers do not have a firm understanding of the concept of time. When you leave, you're gone and that's that - he has no idea when you're coming back. He feels that he always needs to be near you because he feels most secure when he is with you. Enjoy the moment!
of six months, your baby will began to realise that you and he are separate entities. As he grows into toddlerhood, he develops a strong drive for independence, but still needs your unconditional love and support. At any point when you’re not there, he can feel that you’ve abandoned him. Separation anxiety tends to come and go throughout the toddler years, but most experts agree that the period of extreme neediness usually passes sometime between 18 months and two and a half years. Most toddlers will be fully out of this stage by the age of three.First and foremost, it’s vital to remember that this is a normal stage of development and is not a toddler behaviour problem, even though a tantrum is often involved when you say ‘bye-bye’. Try to look at it from your toddler's perspective - every time you leave, whether it's to go to work for the day or to the local shop for just a few minutes, your toddler is probably thinking: ‘Where is mummy? When is she coming back? Is she coming back?’
So, how do you cope with toddler separation anxiety?
Waving goodbye when you leave is a simple tactic but, unfortunately, it’s one that many parents forget about. Instead, fearing the wrath of your toddler, you try to sneak out of the house while he's otherwise engaged. Big mistake. This approach may save you the pain of watching your child cry, but it can actually make his separation anxiety more severe. If your child thinks you might disappear at any given moment without notice, he's not going to let you out of his sight.
Separation anxiety isn't just a toddler thing – as a parent you may also be dreading the prospect as well, but, if you let your apprehension show, your child's almost certain to pick up on it. Besides, a dramatic farewell will just validate your child's feelings of insecurity, so try to stay calm and positive, even if he's hysterical. Keep the situation light by using those old chestnuts such as ‘See you later, alligator’. Getting your child into the habit of replying with a chirpy ‘After a while, crocodile’ will also help serve as a distraction.
When you do have to go out, leave your toddler with a reminder of mum and dad. It can be anything – a photograph or an old sweater of yours. Having said that, the item may also have the opposite effect in that it serves as a constant reminder of you, so check with your childminder or babysitter to see how your child reacted to it.
In the midst of all the guilt, remember that toddlers do not have a firm understanding of the concept of time. When you leave, you're gone and that's that - he has no idea when you're coming back. He feels that he always needs to be near you because he feels most secure when he is with you. Enjoy the moment!
Comments